Whispers
by snuggalong
Summary: 'Only the weak kill an innocent. The strong believe in mercy.' He never believed in mercy. Not before, and not now. But somehow, he is changing, and the question is; can he bring himself to believe? Can he bring himself to listen to the whispers?


**Whispers**

**

* * *

**

The voice, it whispers in his mind. Louder and louder, until he wishes nothing more than for it to stop.

He knows it is his zanpaktô, yet he cannot bring himself to care. After so long without a name, so long fighting only for himself, he cannot bring himself to fight with another, for another.

Still, louder and louder it grows -

_"Find my name. Find what you are not."_

- until he snaps. He screams at it, asking how he is to find its name when he doesn't even know where to begin.

It is silent. Then,

_"Unlike others, I am not you. I am what you are not. You may call yourself the greatest warrior, Kenpachi Zaraki, but until you know my name, until you can accept it with your whole heart, you will be weak."_

Later, as he sleeps, the voice whispers,

_"I have passed through many hands before you, Kenpachi Zaraki. None have ever attained true strength, for they could not accept me as a part of their hearts. Will you accept me, Kenpachi Zaraki? Will you learn my name?"_

* * *

His little companion has notice something is wrong. She tries desperately to cheer him up, until abruptly, he asks,

"Yachiru? Am I strong?"

The girl is taken aback by the question, and is silent for a moment. Then she answers,

"Of course you are, Ken-chan! If you weren't strong, we would be here today. Plus, you always defeat the bad guys!"

He smiles, and he ruffles the hyperactive girl's hair. That's all he needs.

But he still can't shake the feeling that somehow, his zanpaktô is right.

* * *

Several days later, he is in the World of the Living, on a mission. A man with the ability to see shinigami and hollows - much like Ichigo Kurosaki - has discovered them and is threatening to reveal their existence. Who wouldn't? The answer to one of the universe's oldest questions - what happens after we die?

It is as he stands over the man, watching as he cowers on his knees before him, his sword poised to strike, that his zanpaktô decides to speak again.

_"Can you kill him?"_ it whispers.

He flounders for a moment, then splutters,

"O - of course I can! Hello, deadly sword here!"

A dark chuckle. _"Of course, Kenpachi Zaraki, but you didn't let me finish. What I mean is; can you kill him like this, in cold blood, when all he has done is learn something he shouldn't? Can you look him in the eyes as you run your blade through his heart, watch as the light fades from them, know that because of you, someone might have lost a son, a brother, a father, a cousin, a nephew, a **friend**? Can you live with yourself, knowing that they will think 'What sort of monster could have done this? Who would kill an innocent man, in his own home? Can you do that, Kenpachi Zaraki?"_

His eyes close as a war wages inside of him. Death, or mercy? Orders, or justice? Duty, or heart?

In the end, duty wins out. His eyes open again, blank, emotionless.

Within seconds the man is dead, crimson blood bright against the white floor.

Yet he only feels bitter amusement as he leaves.

Not once as his blade pierced the man's body did he meet his eyes.

He didn't want to see the understanding those lifeless orbs held.

Who can understand a monster?

* * *

That night, he cleans his sword with renewed fervor and care, as though by losing himself in the silver shine, he can forget the shame, the guilt, the blood. As though he can erase the sin that stains him now, both blade and soul.

"I'm sorry," he whispers to the empty night. There is no answer; he didn't expect one.

The silence is answer enough.

* * *

Something is wrong. His little companion can tell. His need for carnage is less. He no longer picks random fights.

He does what is needed and then locks himself in his office and broods.

After a few days, Ikkaku is seen teaching a new rule to the recruits.

_Look your opponent in the eyes as you kill them. It shows that you have the strength to be responsible for your actions - and that you respect their life, even though you're ending it._

This is rule number 99 in the 11th Division's Rules for Life.

It is directly after rule number 98: Mercy is weak.

* * *

Kurosaki comes to the Soul Society. He does not chase him for a fight. Yumichika sends him to 4th Division.

* * *

A strange new reiatsu appears. He does not go after it. He lets Soi Fon handle it.

Yamamoto-soutaichou sends him to 4th Division.

* * *

He is sent to kill a human who has too much reiatsu and is affecting the material world.

He finds out that his target is a 7-year-old boy.

Boy and shinigami stare at each other. The innocence in the boy's eyes is so pure it hurts.

_'Can you kill him?'_ a voice whispers. He cannot tell if it is his zanpaktô, himself, or a memory.

The war wages again. This time, heart wins. He knocks the boy out, and places a seal on his power.

He tells the soutaichou that the target is dead.

The soutaichou doesn't believe him.

But the look in his eyes keeps him from questioning him.

* * *

A new rule is added. Rule 100 states;

_"Only the weak kill an innocent. The strong believe in mercy."_

The entire division sends him to the 4th. But the rule is followed.

* * *

One night, finally, his zanpaktô speaks. And he listens.

_"You have proven yourself worthy, Kenpachi Zaraki. Listen well - I am called…"_

* * *

His division is assigned to destroy an infestation of hollows. As they rush forward, he is still. This worries the others - he is always first to battle, and last to leave.

"Are you ready?" he asks.

_"Always,"_ his zanpaktô replies. _"Now, show them what we are made of, Kenpachi Zaraki."_

Finally, with a cold precision and a grin that strikes fear into even the hollows, he intones,

_"Ravage the darkness, **Jinkei**."_

* * *

Jinkei: Mercy


End file.
